The Unedited Word of God


For I say unto you: it would be easier for ...

      a camel to pass through the eye of a needle ...
      an octopus to smoke a cigar ...
      a hammerhead shark to win the Kentucky Derby ...
      a garter snake to drive a cab through the streets of Dublin ...
      a dwarf hamster to eat the Great Wall of China ...
      an emu to cook a Spanish omelette ...
      a pollywog to translate The Hunting of the Snark into Ojibway ...
      a Persian cat to have sexual congress with a walrus ...
      a yellowbellied sapsucker to conduct Stravinsky’s
            ‘Octet for Wind Instruments’ ...
      a mongoose to deal blackjack ...
      a rubythroated hummingbird to unscrew the lid of a
            ketchup bottle ...
      a wombat to jump the Grand Canyon on a tricycle ...
      a praying mantis to milk a cow ...
      a rhinoceros to do a jigsaw puzzle of the Taj Mahal ...
      a fruitfly to laugh ...
      a tarantula to operate a jackhammer in the middle of a blizzard ...
      a flying fish to synthesize mescaline ...
      a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil to cause a tornado in Texas...
      an Egyptian tortoise to hit a hole-in-one on a par 4 dog-leg ...
      a wolverine to assassinate the pope using a slingshot
            loaded with overcooked lima beans ...
      a warthog to put a condom on a blue whale ...
      a red snapper, or anything for that matter, to mix
            a proper martini ...
      an anaconda to play the part of Malvolio in Twelfth Night before an audience of Shakespeare scholars ...
      a western screech owl to throw a javelin through the hole of a doughnut at a distance equivalent to the length of three
            soccer fields ...
      a nightingale to sire a cactus ...
      a badger to fart a hurricane ...
      a team of Golden Lion Tamarin monkeys to defeat the
            defending Stanley Cup champions on home ice ...
      a tarsier to lasso a cruise missile with a vermicelli noodle ...
      a honeypossum to sculpt a perfect likeness of Aleister Crowley
            out of marmalade and motor oil ...
      a manatee to dance the tango on a serving spoon ...

than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.


From Spiral Agitator by Steve Venright

 

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