|
The Unedited Word of God
For I say unto you: it would be easier for ...
a camel to pass through the eye of a needle ...
an octopus to smoke a cigar ...
a hammerhead shark to win the Kentucky Derby ...
a garter snake to drive a cab through the streets
of Dublin ...
a dwarf hamster to eat the Great Wall of China
...
an emu to cook a Spanish omelette ...
a pollywog to translate The Hunting of the Snark
into Ojibway ...
a Persian cat to have sexual congress with a walrus
...
a yellowbellied sapsucker to conduct Stravinsky’s
‘Octet for Wind Instruments’
...
a mongoose to deal blackjack ...
a rubythroated hummingbird to unscrew the lid of
a
ketchup bottle ...
a wombat to jump the Grand Canyon on a tricycle
...
a praying mantis to milk a cow ...
a rhinoceros to do a jigsaw puzzle of the Taj Mahal
...
a fruitfly to laugh ...
a tarantula to operate a jackhammer in the middle
of a blizzard ...
a flying fish to synthesize mescaline ...
a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil to cause
a tornado in Texas...
an Egyptian tortoise to hit a hole-in-one on a
par 4 dog-leg ...
a wolverine to assassinate the pope using a slingshot
loaded with overcooked lima
beans ...
a warthog to put a condom on a blue whale ...
a red snapper, or anything for that matter, to
mix
a proper martini ...
an anaconda to play the part of Malvolio in Twelfth
Night before an audience of Shakespeare scholars ...
a western screech owl to throw a javelin through
the hole of a doughnut at a distance equivalent to the length of three
soccer fields ...
a nightingale to sire a cactus ...
a badger to fart a hurricane ...
a team of Golden Lion Tamarin monkeys to defeat
the
defending Stanley Cup champions
on home ice ...
a tarsier to lasso a cruise missile with a vermicelli
noodle ...
a honeypossum to sculpt a perfect likeness of Aleister
Crowley
out of marmalade and motor
oil ...
a manatee to dance the tango on a serving spoon
...
than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
From Spiral Agitator by Steve Venright
|